03 Apr 2012
Posted by Miss Kissy 
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I have been in 2 longtime relationships over the past X years.. After my last break-up I pretty much stopped dating and just took time to myself.. But every once in a while I would dip my foot into the dating pool and found myself totally turned off by the average male…
Now my ex was very far from a lame.. He was fly and fabulous and handled his business… He even taught me how to dress better, which he loves to take credit for and I’m like fine, okay, I’ll give you that.. But that’s it. So now that I start dating again, I’m usually already turned off by men if they don’t dress nice and fashionable, and rock nice cologne and cufflinks….. Once you’ve had men that dress well and keep themselves up, it no longer becomes a vain trait that you seek.. It’s just something that you simply have a great appreciation for.. And trust me I tried to date a working stiff that wore dirty white tennis shoes, but he just wasn’t my type.. I”m too fly for that.
Okay.. So now we got that out the way. I notice these men who also don’t dress well have the NERVE to ask me what I like sexually.. For one I’m annoyed cause I have absolutely no intentions of having relations with them and number two that question is such a turn off to me.
See in the past when I’ve gotten into a relationship or had sex I had a clear understanding that I know what I’m doing and anything else my partner likes I will learn along the way.. I was so disturbed by this question that I called one of my good male friends up to ask him about this..
I was pretty shocked when he told me that I don’t understand because I’m so far from normal that things seem weird to me.. He told me that’s what “normal” people do.. They discuss what each other likes sexually.. Now I’m not a prude.. I don’t have a problem discussing such things if I’m in the middle of the act. But just to discuss it with a guy that I’m more than likely not going to have sex with NO. And if I did meet a guy that I wanted to get it in with that question would absolutely make me change my mind.. To me that question is clearly from a man who does not know how to please a woman… I would expect that from a virgin.. Then again, I forget that some people have weird Fetishes.. I don’t… I suppose that question would work if one were to like bestiality…
I find these average guys who don’t dress all that well, and don’t seem to know how to please a woman in any way other then being a nice guy such turn offs.. Which is probably why this summer it’s looking like I’ll be celebrating a year of celibacy..
On the other hand I was on twitter earlier discussing the pastor who put a stripper pole in his congregation. And I don’t think he is doing anything wrong.. You can check back for a blog about my opinion on that tomorrow..
I’m just wondering what is your take on all of this. And for all those who constantly think every relationship blog is personally about me and it isn’t.. ThiS POST is personally about me…
20 Comments
WHY DO MEN DO THIS?
whatchu mean?? how am i gonna know???? you want me to touch you first then find out???? they're trying to please you …o.0…not every men is doctor Phill …..just answer the @&%$ question lol
Learn me.
that is you..you dont go around telling every body your intimate details because thats personal…we want to get in deep like that,thats why we ask..some not all some duds are just THIRSTY lol
Have you ever listened to Musiq Soulchild's song "Teach Me How To Love?"
Because we wanna know if we fit in. Some women are confusing as hell. ………… well MAJORITY are confusing as hell LOL
I'm with Ricardo, I think women will find something to fuss about either way, lol…. We trying too hard or not enough.
We learn through exploration and questioning. If you ARE indeed in a relationship I think It's perfectly normal to ask these questions.( I cannot read your mind woman). Especially, if you are having "relations" early on; after 1 – 3 dates. However, if you just met the person or consider them a new "friend" then this line of questioning is out of line for men and women. I find that women are also quite aggressive in this area, unnecessarily. Be more creative and find out other aspects of a person, IMHO.
Haha they would rather you read their mind. Smh
Just FYI too. Women who tell their man what they want/like upfront usually get the ring and husband quicker than a chick that wants her mind read
If you know what you doing there's no need to ask.
I'm with you boys… Keep asking the questions… Not all women are the same, you can't expect that we all like to be touched the same way… And it is great that you want to learn how to please your woman…
@ Kia La'nae, like u, some women say (learn me) but not all women are the same. Some women like to be touched and handle in different ways. If a man does something that the woman doesn't like she'll probably talk about him or she'll never 4k with him again. That's some of the reasons some men ask that question.
What one woman dislikes another one loves so no wat u dealin wit before you stick ur d%ck in someone dat maybe a crazy a$$ babymomma instead of wifey ya heard me
if you are in a relationship with a man and not a boy…he SHOULD be asking you that question. it means he's not just looking to please himself…he wants you to enjoy as well.
Interesting answers. Thank You for the response. I can see now that people don't seem to date people that they have extreme chemistry with. That chemistry alone almost guarantees amazing sex.. Perhaps people should slow down and not engage with people that don't have a passion for.
Having chemistry and a good throw down doesn't mean that the man will know everything you like and dislike. You don't always do everything you like in the bedroom everytime… Having amazing sex can be based on many different things… Amazing sex can get even better if he asks questions and makes something that feels good, feel great…
Because yaw are so damn fickle'd one minutes your in ecstasy 10 seconds later your crying about the last Tyler Perry movie, 20 seconds later your a freak wanting anal, 40 seconds later your telling us were taking toooooo long. And while all this is going on, your mind is every damn where, your thinking about the light bill….whats for dinner…did you leave the iron on…did your girlfriend have her baby yet….should you go back to school…..why you soooo bloated…should you ask for a promotion. Hell we have no clue who's gonna show up in the bedroom that day….is it SHANEEKA the ghetto freak….is it SHARONDA the soul sista that doesn't need a man or TAWANNIA she just wants to be held and loved
Like me get this straight, you question a man who is trying to communicate and connect with you on a intimate level. I thought communication and attentiveness was key to a relationship.
Women always say communication is key, this is saying the opposite. Of course the writer is saying that this applies to a man she is not attracted to, at least sexually, but then how did they get to a point where sex talk came up? I guess she just wanted some attention.